I'm waiting
by thousandbirds
Summary: They are together and yet they are not. For them, love is not just a matter of feelings. For them, its a matter of obligations.


They were together and yet not together. That is exactly what Athrun would describe his current relationship with Cagalli, the Representative of Orb. Their relationship had started at the end of the first war and things have gone considerably normal, or so he thought, for the next two years. Athrun blamed it on her responsibilities, her workload, her status, his status and most of all he blamed Yuna Roma Seiran for everything that went wrong, for the gap that appear between their relationships.

He was putting the blame on everything but not himself nor Cagalli. It was when he re-enlisted with ZAFT and that Cagalli had almost married Seiran that he realized maybe their love is just not strong enough. If their love is strong enough, his decision to go back to PLANT wouldn't change a thing between them, her decision to marry Seiran to save her country wouldn't change his love for her and the appearance of any other ladies in his presence wouldn't make a difference and definitely their difference in perspective couldn't break apart their relationship.

But the fact they did.

When he saw Cagalli no longer wearing the ring on her fingers, he knew that things have changed between them. Though it might symbolizes that they are no longer having the relationship they used to have but Athrun felt that they are closer than before. _There is no need to rush, we have the same dream._ He had said that upon his knowledge that the ring is no longer on her fingers. He was surprised but more so that he understands why Cagalli decided to marry Seiran, he understands it even more why she took it off.

After the war, the world is in his opinion is quiet. It was contradictory as people are buzzing around, some are picking themselves up from the aftermath of the war. Politicians are running wild trying to amend the chaos that created havoc in their countries and last but not least, to be in peace with one another. Treaties are signed. Condolences are made. His heart is in peace.

He decided to join Orb forces. He no longer hides who he is, he refused to just stand and watch, he wants to contribute. Most of all, he wants to be by her side. As of now, he is still unsure who he is to her and who is her to him. But one thing he knows that he wants to be her pillar of support, he wants to be the one at her side and he definitely do not want to be the reason her tears flow.

"_Are you sure?" _

She asked one day after hearing his decision to stay with Orb. Her eyes clouded with uncertainties, unsure whether his decision to join Orb is solely because he wanted to or because he feel obliged to do so. And Athrun wanted so much to hit himself right there and then for giving her a reason to doubt him. His decision is not an obligation. It is not something he felt that he is obliged to do; it is something he wants to do.

"_Yes, yes I am."_

As of now, he still does not know where he stands. He is sure of his identity, status, responsibilities and even what he wants to fight for. The only thing he is unsure of is his relationship with. It used be something that he was so sure of after the first war. They are together.

But now, they were together, but not together.

"I see the mice in your brain are working hard." His thoughts of train interrupted and he looked at the lady next to him that had been occupying his thoughts for the past hour. Athrun couldn't help but break into a smile at her remark.

"How's work?" he asked. She gave a small smile, a tired smile. "Things are getting better now. The people are slowly adapting to the life again and put the past behind them bit by bit. It's been almost a year." Athrun knew better that her smile is not a happy smile. The people might have started to embrace peace again, but the loss is too big. Even learning how to put the horrible memories of war behind them, there will always be sadness lurking around.

_Yea, it's been almost a year._ Athrun looked outside the window. The orange sky an hour ago is now replaced with a dark sky. A year has passed so soon and yet nothing changes between them. None of them mentioned anything about the ring, their relationship nor take any actions to reconcile their relationship. He did not how to start.

He couldn't help but wonder.

"What are we now?" he asked. Cagalli looked up at him, confused. "…Our relationship." He clarified and he saw a glimpse of discomfort flashed across her face. And if his eyes did not fail him, he saw sadness in her eyes.

There are a few minutes of silence before she replies. "I wonder Athrun. I mean, what we had before, was it love?" Hearing that from her, he almost feels insulted that his feelings all along were thought as nothing but a seasonal infatuation. Before he could give out his reply, he was interrupted by the warm hand that was holding his.

"Don't show that face." She smiled sadly. "I am not saying that we were together because we are merely comforting each other during the war or after the war." She removed her hands from his and he wanted to pull her hand back, not wanting to let go of the warmth that she provided. "I loved you."

_Loved_

He could feel his heart wrenched at that word. Does that mean they are now nothing but comrades, fighting for the same purpose? Nothing more, nothing less?

"We developed our relationship too soon…we hardly knew each other much. We were there for each other, we comforted and we supported each other. That is not love." Tears are glistening in her eyes, threatening to fall. His tears are threatening to fall as well, clouding his vision. "Besides, Meyrin is a good girl…don't make her wait too –"

"I- I love you now." He croaked, his voice hoarse, from his attempt to stop his tears from flowing down. It might be true that they have develop too fast, it might be true it might not be love at the beginning and it was just a feeling that they have mistaken as love during the time of war but now, it is love. He had stay by her side without fail every single day and it is all these small precious moments like this that made him realize that he did love her after all. His attraction and admiration towards her grew day by day. So has his love.

He had learned to love her.

_And now it is falling apart._

She placed her hand on his face and brushed away his bangs that are covering his eyes. "I love you too. I loved you three years ago. I still do." Athrun looked at her, his hand found hers and hold them tight, refusing to let go.

"Don't…" he stopped when Cagalli placed her finger on his lips, silencing him. She shook her head again and again, as if she is begging him to stop and let go. He knew the reason she chose not to be with him, despite her love confession but he couldn't talk. The lump in his throat is burning.

_Don't go. Stay._

His heart called out…silently.

"I have never stopped loving you." It was a chaste kiss on his lips and she was gone. It's as if what she said before kissing him is purely his imagination. The warmth she transmitted to his hand, slowly dissipating. After awhile lost in his own thoughts, something within him snapped, he ran out of the room. He ran and ran searching for her.

And when he saw her back, he enveloped her into his arms, hugging her close. He could hear the small sound of her crying, he could feel the hot tears that dripped down on to his hand from her face. "Stay Cagalli."

"You don't have to do this. _**It**__ doesn't have to be this way_." He said.

"Athrun, you will always be the second in my heart…I-I can't love you whole heartedly even if I wanted to. I can't give you what you want." She will always place Orb as her priority. She would forsake her life just for the sake of her country and her people. She will do whatever it takes to maintain the ideals of her father. Even if she is forced to have a political union once again, for the sake of Orb, she would have to do that without doubt.

He knew that by giving a clear cut on their relationship, she would be able to spare him the pain. She would not betray him again the way she did before. She would be able to let go of her love for him….she can finally sacrifice everything of her life just for Orb. Even her own heart.

"I know….even so, I won't let you go."

And they just stand there in each other embrace for a long time.

_**C.E. 76 (Two years later)**_

"I'm waiting." Athrun replied on his interview with the reporter when he was asked about his love life. He is now widely known as Orb's number one most wanted bachelor. Handsome, young and successful. His debut has everything to do with the live broadcast of his attempts to protect Representative Attha from a poor attempt of assignation. Now as the Head of Security Bureau, it was part of his job to explain about the recent series of assassination and calm the uncertainties of the safety of their leader. And yet, personal questions never fail to come into the interviews.

"What are you waiting for? Time or somebody to love?" the interviewer asked, her face showing excitement on any possible answer from the man himself.

Athrun gave off a smile. "For _her _to know that I don't mind being number two in her heart. Because being number two is already the best position I can ever be."

They are together but not together. People would have given up by now, given up loving a woman who can only place himself as the second person in her heart. Even so, for Athrun, that is already the biggest love he could ever receive from Cagalli. He would still be waiting no matter how long.

After all, she is still holding on to the ring he gave her three years ago.

_Close to her heart._

_**Author's Note:**_

Please forgive me for this lousy attempt to write again after two years of retiring.


End file.
